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So, if you’ve met me ever, you probably know that I feed my local crows.
At home, we have a backyard bird feeder. It’s pretty clever. At work, I feed them in two dog dishes; one for the dry kibble and one for the water. (If you want to attract crows, putting out fresh water helps. They need a LOT of water. Be warned that this will also attract other wildlife.) I used to just toss food out onto the sidewalk whenever the crows came to my office window to beg. A few years ago, one of the residents (my office is in a condo building; businesses on the ground floor, condos above) asked me if I’d be willing to feed them in a dog dish instead, and to clean up and bring the dishes inside at 5pm when I leave, so it’s all less messy. She was pretty reasonable, so I agreed, and haven’t had any problems since. The building property manager knows that I feed the crows. Unofficially she likes it; she says they keep away the pigeons. Officially she prefers to be able to say she believes I’m putting out food and water for the neighborhood dogs (they do stop for a drink all the time, and I wave at their humans) for the sake of plausible deniability. So that’s the background. Over the last few months, I would hear this guy walk by every once in a while, yelling “YAAAH!” and “GET OUTTA HERE!” and “FUCKING CROWS!” and such at the top of his lungs. It happened maybe every few weeks, and each time that he showed up, he’d walk back and forth in front of my office a few times, yelling. When he later switched his yelling to “STOP FEEDING THESE FUCKING CROWS!!!”, it made me kinda jumpy. I mean, now it’s directed at *me*. One day I was looking out the window right when he yelled, and he saw me looking. After that, every time he walked by my window, he stared in at me. Back and forth, three or four times. I was pretty fucking creeped out. A couple of times I called Tony or Fishy to come give me a ride home. Part of me felt stupid for being so afraid, but we live in a world right now where entitled white dudes who get violent when they get angry are all too common, and guns are all too easy to get. It’s not the likeliest outcome, but it’s way more likely than it should be. I found myself trying to plan what I’d do if he came to my door with a gun. Go under desk and call 911? Go out the back, risking being seen as I run to the door? I googled how much good the anti-burglary coating on the windows would do. (Answer: they won’t stop a bullet, but they’ll slow down a person trying to get in.) I hate the fact that this was not an overreaction. Since I had noticed Creepy Yelling Guy carrying a bucket or a broom sometimes, I started to think maybe he was one of the maintenance guys (also known to my Twitter followers as Leaf Blower Guy.) One day a few weeks ago, right after he did his Creepy Yelling thing again, I called the property manager. I asked her if the maintenance guys were working that day. She said no, they weren’t at my building that day. So I told her all about Creepy Yelling Guy. I told her about the yelling and swearing, how he started addressing it at me, how he stared at me as he walked back and forth, how freaked out I was. To her credit, she very much sympathized. She said she would never have hired anyone who would do that, but she would have her guys keep an eye out for the guy. Unfortunately she went on to theorize at length how CYG was probably a mentally ill homeless man, how a homeless guy who yells had been seen in the neighborhood, how these people get their meds once a month and if their meds are starting to run out that’s when they get like this, how I should go to the sporting goods store and get myself a baseball bat to keep in my office. Sigh. As a person with a mental illness myself, I was just too tired to explain to her that that’s not how mental illness works, that people with mental illness are much more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, that I’m pretty sure that’s not how meds work either… ugh. I told her the guy didn’t look to me like a homeless person, but I don’t think I changed her mind. I told her I’d keep an eye out for the guy if he came back, and she said she’d let the maintenance guys know to keep an eye out too. (And the next time that I saw the two maintenance guys, I took a better look and yeah, neither one was him.) Well, the next time that Creepy Yelling Guy walked by yelling creepily, I heard him go into the office next door. After I saw him leave, I went over there (I’m on good terms with my neighbors) and asked if they knew that guy who’d just been in there. All three of my neighbors in there said “Oh him? Yeah, that’s Ed. He lives in the building.” OH GREAT. I told them EXACTLY why I was asking, and what he’d been doing, and that the PM had thought it must be a homeless person, but it’s not. They were all surprised. One of them said “oh, he’s harmless,” but she didn’t look super sure. Another said “so THAT’S why you always keep your door locked.” I said, “It is NOW.” (I do usually keep the door locked; we don’t do walk-in business at all, since we only work for other companies, not individuals, so if solicitors come to the door I can just wave them away and say we’re closed and not have to deal with them.) Ugh. Okay. SO. I called the property manager. I told her I’d found out that the Creepy Yelling Guy was a resident named Ed, and explained my conversation with the neighbors. She said she’d find out if he was an owner or a tenant; if he was a tenant maybe she could talk to his landlord. Maybe ask around and see if he was on meds or something. (Again with the meds.) Maybe get someone to talk to him. I was a little alarmed by this. I said I didn’t want to get him evicted or in any kind of trouble, I just wanted him to stop. She said she’d handle it from the angle of “asking questions, that’s all.” Well, I’m not sure that was better. I mean, suppose Ed gets some kind of talking-to, and is now pissed off that some woman got him in trouble. Now it’s not just some woman who does something he finds annoying, oh no. Now it’s personal. I half wished I hadn’t told the property manager it was a resident, except I had to, because I really really didn’t want her to start targeting homeless people, or worse, calling the cops on them. JFC NO. I’ve seen Ed/CYG two or three times since. Once, he just stared. After that, he didn’t do anything. I still make sure the door’s locked when I see him go by. Sometimes I feel all brave and imagine how coolly I’ll ignore him if he knocks on my door. Sometimes I decide it’s time to go to the kitchen for a soda. I really hope there’ll be no more of this story to tell. I’m still feeding the crows.
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